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I think we parents have to change before we can change the behavior of a child.
When something goes wrong with my son, the first solution for me is to find out what I did wrong to be in this situation
Hitting the child is not the solution at all, on the other hand he will become more violent & stubborn. And what example are we setting by doing this? That hitting is acceptable, if we can do this then why can't the child.
By hitting you are making the child’s condition worse. First & foremost you have to stop hitting them at any circumstances. I'll tell you step by step:
Do's:
1. Involve the child in as much physical activities as you can, for example: cycling, swimming, skating. If you can give them physical exercise for at least 30-40min daily it will be very useful. Start at an earliest, if the child can't take this much in one attempt you can make them do it in two sessions.
2. Ignoring the child’s negative behavior & praising their positive behavior helps a lot. Do it. Be consistent but if you find that still they are throwing tantrums then you can make them sit, you yourself bend on your knees, hold their hands, look into their eyes & tell them firmly to stay quiet, Apart from this you can use timeout punishment which works with many of the kids. For this you can make them sit in a corner of your house which you can name as "naughty corner" or whatever & make them sit there for 3 minutes & at that time no one should talk to them or listen to them, if they get up & come to you, you should again make them sit there. (I tried the idea of making a punishment corner for my son too. Twice he was punished and I had to keep him in the naughty corner, the third time he made a mistake and himself went and sat there and gave me a big smile :) I could not resist that and gave him a big hug)
3. Remember the child is not going to change right away or in a flash of a moment. You'll have to be consistent. Don't change your steps each time. Use same solutions every time so that the child understands that their tantrums are not going to work. They have to listen and this is what happens when they do something wrong or don’t listen.
4. Do talk to your partner before deciding on how and what to do to change the child’s behavior.
5. Don't hit them at all. Hitting will make them more stubborn and later fearless.
It’s a long and stressful process but has to be immediately to avoid situations getting worse and out of hand.
6. If the child starts crying thinking that this is the only way to get their work done. Don't talk to them until they stop crying. Tell them they need to talk and crying will not work.
7. Also, see what he has for lunch and dinner. Too much sugar or too much spicy food also makes one hyper.
8. Set some basic rules for them. For example, before leaving for a park you can say that no hitting or fighting at the park and we will be back at so and so time so no arguments there.
9. When we are irritated we hit so when children are irritated they hit too because that’s what they grasped from us. So, the next time when you are upset talk to yourself in your child's presence. (I learnt this in some book and it definitely worked for me.) “I am angry right now. I wonder what I can do to make myself feel better. I know I will go count my blocks, or read my books" or say whatever you think you will love doing then! That’s what they will also start doing eventually...
10. Sometimes we want kids to be little adults and always crib around saying don’t do this, don't do that, don't jump, don't walk like that, don't giggle like that. Hearing this too much the kids just get immune to the word "no"...besides why on earth should they be restricted all the time. They are kids after all and I think anything that is safe and harmless to do should definitely be allowed
When something goes wrong with my son, the first solution for me is to find out what I did wrong to be in this situation
Hitting the child is not the solution at all, on the other hand he will become more violent & stubborn. And what example are we setting by doing this? That hitting is acceptable, if we can do this then why can't the child.
By hitting you are making the child’s condition worse. First & foremost you have to stop hitting them at any circumstances. I'll tell you step by step:
Do's:
1. Involve the child in as much physical activities as you can, for example: cycling, swimming, skating. If you can give them physical exercise for at least 30-40min daily it will be very useful. Start at an earliest, if the child can't take this much in one attempt you can make them do it in two sessions.
2. Ignoring the child’s negative behavior & praising their positive behavior helps a lot. Do it. Be consistent but if you find that still they are throwing tantrums then you can make them sit, you yourself bend on your knees, hold their hands, look into their eyes & tell them firmly to stay quiet, Apart from this you can use timeout punishment which works with many of the kids. For this you can make them sit in a corner of your house which you can name as "naughty corner" or whatever & make them sit there for 3 minutes & at that time no one should talk to them or listen to them, if they get up & come to you, you should again make them sit there. (I tried the idea of making a punishment corner for my son too. Twice he was punished and I had to keep him in the naughty corner, the third time he made a mistake and himself went and sat there and gave me a big smile :) I could not resist that and gave him a big hug)
3. Remember the child is not going to change right away or in a flash of a moment. You'll have to be consistent. Don't change your steps each time. Use same solutions every time so that the child understands that their tantrums are not going to work. They have to listen and this is what happens when they do something wrong or don’t listen.
4. Do talk to your partner before deciding on how and what to do to change the child’s behavior.
5. Don't hit them at all. Hitting will make them more stubborn and later fearless.
It’s a long and stressful process but has to be immediately to avoid situations getting worse and out of hand.
6. If the child starts crying thinking that this is the only way to get their work done. Don't talk to them until they stop crying. Tell them they need to talk and crying will not work.
7. Also, see what he has for lunch and dinner. Too much sugar or too much spicy food also makes one hyper.
8. Set some basic rules for them. For example, before leaving for a park you can say that no hitting or fighting at the park and we will be back at so and so time so no arguments there.
9. When we are irritated we hit so when children are irritated they hit too because that’s what they grasped from us. So, the next time when you are upset talk to yourself in your child's presence. (I learnt this in some book and it definitely worked for me.) “I am angry right now. I wonder what I can do to make myself feel better. I know I will go count my blocks, or read my books" or say whatever you think you will love doing then! That’s what they will also start doing eventually...
10. Sometimes we want kids to be little adults and always crib around saying don’t do this, don't do that, don't jump, don't walk like that, don't giggle like that. Hearing this too much the kids just get immune to the word "no"...besides why on earth should they be restricted all the time. They are kids after all and I think anything that is safe and harmless to do should definitely be allowed
Wow! Thank you so much for #9! I'm going to use that and I wouldn't have ever thought of it on my own! Thank you thank you thank you :D
ReplyDeleteThanks a lot for visiting and stopping by to leave a comment.... Glad you found it useful....
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